I didn't feel like I was worthy enough to read a self-improvement book. I didn't feel "qualified" to be at a self-development books area in a book store. ⁣
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I started suffering from several eating disorders from the beginning of teen eras for about 15 years. It started with a very simple sentence, “your calves are too big”. However, my comprehension was…..”I, MY WHOLE BEING, was worthless” (details are on my previous blog). ⁣
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It was like I started wearing a dark lenses of glasses. I saw everything through the dark lenses. My entire world got darker, things got less important, I felt worthless to give 100% of myself to life. Since you know...I was worthless. ⁣
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So, every time I went to a book shop, I looked away from the self-improvement areas for those years. It felt wrong to look at the area, it felt like someone was going to catch me for a crime if I “broke in”. The air felt heavy there, and it was just not a place for people like me.⁣
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Do you find yourself feeling like this? Do you get...

A black pair of riding boots was the origin of my long journey of eating disorders.

I belonged to a horseback riding stable, where many kids were really good and I practiced with them for competitions.

At the age of 13, I was skinny, but had bigger calves than other riders around.  One day, my instructors made fun of me having a hard time getting into my new leather boots, and said “You are the worst rider anyway, so do something about the calves at least!”......

It was also around the time I started feeling insecure about my body. 
It was also around the time I discovered that I didn’t want to compete, but didn’t know how to say it to everyone.  The rest of the riders were grabbing all the prizes and I felt like I "needed to want" the same.  My heart wasn't in the competitions, hence; no good results for many times. I started to feel like...

“I’m just a burden”
“I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough”

I felt like I created a big dark hole in my heart, and I turned to food.  I did it becaus...

Hi there!  My name is Kanna Laird, a mother of 2, certified integrative nutrition health coach and a registered holistic nutritionist.  I have studied about emotional eating psychology at IIN and am proud to be helping emotional eaters.

I've been in the health and wellness industry since 2007, but I wasn't using social media to share my work for a long time... I had always thought..."I can’t share this, or that, or THAT publicly ...I am taking all those shame to my grave with me".
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While I was in the midst of suffering with various types of unhealthy eating habits (anorexia, binge eating, emotional eating, overeating, orthorexia, overuse of laxatives & diet pills to name a few), I was NEVER EVER going to tell people about a story that I crept out to the kitchen at midnight, and ate ice cream out of the container. How I mastered to keep the surface exactly just the way it was so that nobody found out I ate it.⁣
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Long story short, I’ve been privately helping emotional eaters & people with u...