I thought I needed to be a supermodel to speak up

Are you a supermodel? White?   Well, then at least, naturally blond?
If not, come back when you’re - otherwise your opinions/knowledge/research/passions don’t matter…

These were the typical comments I often got in Japan when I called the authorities and influencers about stopping diet culture and creating a safe space for emotional eaters when I became a registered holistic nutritionist back in 2007.

For a long time, being able to openly talk about diets and body images,  I needed to be a supermodel (not even close, I’m 5’2” and shrinking!), Caucasian (the only part it’s white is probably teeth, but not even), or blond (well, I could dye and color my hair, but that would look weird on me).

Those “requirements” in Japan felt so hard to break ...and still is.

I’m really passionate about ending diet culture and unhealthy messages toward health from the media, even if they are from my favorite...

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A helpful coping mechanism

One of my best friends from elementary passed away a few days ago - when I received the news, my heart started beating fast for sadness, pain, fear, anxiety, and…..panic. The death felt so close and real to me, and I knew I had to sit with these emotions and go through them, instead of suppressing/avoiding them, like I used to do with food.

This time, my coping mechanism was journaling, and so grateful for it.

I write two journal books everyday.

In the first journal, I'd write about;
a) 5 grateful things (I was for sure very grateful to be healthy and alive after the devastating news)
b) write about my 10 dreams repeatedly with the sentences as if they have already happened. It is very helpful to keep the highest vibes going and keep moving forward.


The second journal is to throw any thoughts/feelings, but I always start with 3 wins from the day before to practice gratitude, including something very small like (“I scooped my cat’s poo!”).

Then, some sentences...

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Are Emotions Good or Bad?

Uncategorized Oct 18, 2019

When you hear the word of "emotion", what do you think of?

Is it a good or bad thing?

Do you judge an emotion or embrace it?

Growing up in Japan, showing emotions were something that was forbidden it felt like.

To me, it was a sign of weakness if I cried in front of people (I remember hiding in a curtain in the gym at elementary school when I just couldn't hold my tears anymore).

I remember mastering a poker face at the age of 13 (even when I was deeply hurt). I thought this was the best technique I ever obtained/needed.
Fast forward, suppressing negative emotions didn't serve me well.

We can't selectively suppress the emotions and I lost the positive/happy emotions for a long time.

By the time I realized it, I didn't know how it felt like to feel happy or what I wanted to feel happy for. It felt all the emotions were all the same - numbed.

Well, good news is, emotion is not a "good or bad thing"!

It's an absolutely important information we need.

The very important, one of the first...

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Give yourself a permission to rest

“Keep trying!  Keep moving forward!”

We hear these supposedly positive messages all the time. I use them a lot to myself, kids, friends and clients a lot, too.

However, there are times those positive messages can be overwhelming, and make people exhausted for for achieving goals.

I was feeling absolutely swamped this morning with hundreds of things to do in 2 hours, thousands of things to do in a day, millions of things to do in a week. Just by thinking about them left me powerless and super stressed. I could not focus on a thing and could not keep going.

This is when I know I need to be kind to myself and pause everything (I used to push and push AND PUSH by snacking unnecessarily food...anyone?).

I gave myself a 30 minutes in nature, sat with all the overwhelming emotions, digested and absorbed them. I felt much better and decided to work on one “absolutely need to be done by noon today”. I gained clarity and I even had a chance to post this.

Sitting...

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I wasn't "qualified" to read a self-improvement book

I didn't feel like I was worthy enough to read a self-improvement book. I didn't feel "qualified" to be at a self-development books area in a book store.

I started suffering from several eating disorders from the beginning of teen eras for about 15 years. It started with a very simple sentence, “your calves are too big”. However, my comprehension was…..”I, MY WHOLE BEING, was worthless” (details are on my previous blog).

It was like I started wearing a dark lenses of glasses. I saw everything through the dark lenses. My entire world got darker, things got less important, I felt worthless to give 100% of myself to life. Since you know...I was worthless.

So, every time I went to a book shop, I looked away from the self-improvement areas for those years. It felt wrong to look at the area, it felt like someone was going to catch me for a crime if I “broke in”. The air felt heavy there, and it was just not a place for people like me.

Do you find...

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How my emotional eating began at 13

A black pair of riding boots was the origin of my long journey of eating disorders.

I belonged to a horseback riding stable, where many kids were really good and I practiced with them for competitions.

At the age of 13, I was skinny, but had bigger calves than other riders around.  One day, my instructors made fun of me having a hard time getting into my new leather boots, and said “You are the worst rider anyway, so do something about the calves at least!”......

It was also around the time I started feeling insecure about my body. 
It was also around the time I discovered that I didn’t want to compete, but didn’t know how to say it to everyone.  The rest of the riders were grabbing all the prizes and I felt like I "needed to want" the same.  My heart wasn't in the competitions, hence; no good results for many times. I started to feel like...

“I’m just a burden”

“I’m not worthy, I’m not good...

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My mission

Uncategorized Oct 09, 2019

Hi there!  My name is Kanna Laird, a mother of 2, certified integrative nutrition health coach and a registered holistic nutritionist.  I have studied about emotional eating psychology at IIN and am proud to be helping emotional eaters.

I've been in the health industry over 10 years, but I wasn't using social media to share my work for a long time... I had always thought..."I can’t share this, or that, or THAT publicly ...I am taking all those shame to my grave with me".

While I was in the midst of suffering with various types of unhealthy eating habits (anorexia, binge eating, emotional eating, overeating, orthorexia, overuse of laxatives & diet pills to name a few), I was NEVER EVER going to tell people about a story that I crept out to the kitchen at midnight, and ate ice cream out of the container. How I mastered to keep the surface exactly just the way it was so that nobody found out I ate it.

Long story short, I’ve been privately helping...

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